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Topics - britelife

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1
GENERAL DISCUSSION / INTERPRETE IN QUEEN ENGLISH
« on: April 20, 2009, 11:27:20 AM »
Can someone pleaseh elp me interprete this pidgin english to queens english...


E DON TEY WEY DAY BRAKE.

I am waiting

2
GAMES / WIN A RECHARGE CARD
« on: August 06, 2008, 02:44:55 PM »
What makes a man and a rat vey unique?

3
GENERAL DISCUSSION / MALE AND FEMALE BRAIN
« on: July 22, 2008, 07:02:59 AM »
Comparism of the male and female brain.

Ur views

4
HUMOUR and JOKES / THE LATEST NIKE SHOE IN TOWN
« on: July 03, 2008, 09:14:45 AM »
Comment please!!!

5
GENERAL DISCUSSION / OF AGE AND WISDOM?
« on: June 21, 2008, 12:26:08 PM »
Some people say a fool @ forty is a fool for ever. And some believe life begins @ forty. Yet, there are evidence of those who have achieved everything achievable in life before they attain forty.

The issue is what has age got to do with wisdom?

Is there a relationship between age and wisdom?

Is the oldest man (Woman) necessarily the wisest man?

And is the youngest man (Woman) always the fooliest?

Does age bestow wisdom?

Has wisdom got something to do with old age?

Is the ninety year old man always wiser than the forty year old?

These are pertinent questions we need to answer.

MY VIEW:

However, available facts shows that age is not everything about wisdom.

The Holy Writ tells us that Methusela lived nine hundred and sixty nine years, but his wisdom could not be compared with that of the young Solomon.

Can you imagine that?

6
GENERAL DISCUSSION / THIS IS WORRYING!!!!
« on: June 19, 2008, 11:01:12 AM »
Beer contains female hormones

Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.

Men should take a

concerned look at their beer consumption.

The theory is that beer contains female hormones
(hops contain phytoestrogens)

and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period.

It was then observed that

100% of the test subjects:



1) Argued over nothing.

2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.

3) Gained weight.

4) Talked excessively without making sense.

5) Became overly emotional.

6) Couldn't drive..

7) Failed to think rationally.

8) Had to sit down while urinating.

No further testing was considered necessary.







7
GENERAL DISCUSSION / THE SEVEN UPS
« on: June 18, 2008, 06:25:30 PM »
The Seven Ups!!..                                         

The 7 Ups!
                                   
1. Wake Up!!


Decide to have a good day.
                                                         

2. Dress Up!!
                                                                                                                                     
The best way to dress up is to put on a smile.


                                 
A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
 




                           

3. Shut Up!!


                                                   

Say nice things and learn to listen.


                                                   
With two ears and one mouth..


                                   
it's meant for us to do twice as much listening as talking.


                                             
"He who guards his lips guards his soul."
 




                           

4. Stand Up!!



. . . for what you believe in.
Stand for something or you will fall for anything.




5. Look Up !!


. . . Keep yourself centered. Remember, you are important.




6. Reach Up !!


                                                         

. . . for something higher.


                                                         
Trust with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding.




                         

 7. Lift Up !!
                                                   

. . . your Prayers.

                                           
"Do not worry about anything; instead PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING."

A POSITIVE THOUGHT

When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened gift...Thrown away...Life is not a race. Take it slower. Hear the music before the song is over.

"Life may not be the party we hoped for...
but while we are here we might as well dance!"

Invite people here that you care about.
I thought this was mighty special, just like you.



8
HUMOUR and JOKES / THE BOSS
« on: June 16, 2008, 02:45:30 AM »
 

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead:

"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.


The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.

"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."

 

The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts:

9
GENERAL DISCUSSION / FACTS ABOUT LIFE
« on: June 15, 2008, 11:37:54 PM »
Isn't it strange how 20,000 Naira seems like such a large amount when
you donate it in the church, but
such a small amount
when you go shopping?


Isn't it strange how 2 hours seem so long when
you're in the church, and how
short they seem when you're
watching a good movie?

Isn't it strange that you can't
find a word to say when
you're praying,
but you have no trouble
thinking what to talk about
with a friend?

Isn't it strange how difficult
and boring it is to read
one chapter
of the Bible, but how easy
it is to read 100 pages of
a popular novel ?

Isn't it strange how everyone
wants front-row-tickets
to concerts and cinemas, but they do whatever
is possible to sit at the last
row in church?

Isn't it strange how we need to
know about an event for

church

2-3
weeks before the day so we can
include it in our agenda, but we can
adjust it for other events in
the last minute?

Isn't it strange how difficult it
is to learn a fact about God to share it
with others, but how easy
it is to learn, understand,
extend and repeat gossip?

Isn't it strange how we
believe everything
that magazines and newspapers
say, but we question the words in the
Holy book?

Isn't it strange how everyone
wants a place in
heaven, but they don't want
to believe, do, or say anything
to get there?

Isn't it strange how we send
jokes in e-mails
and they are forwarded
right away,
but when we are going to send
messages about God, we think
about it twice before we share
it with others?

IT'S STRANGE ISN'T IT?


10
HUMOUR and JOKES / JUST FOR LAUGHS 2
« on: June 11, 2008, 11:55:08 AM »
English Teacher: Make a sentence using "Neither-Nor"

Naughty boy Student: When girls wear tight fitting dresses,

"NEITHER" are they comfortable, "NOR" are we!

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

A sardar learning English introduces his family in the party:

Hi! I am sardar,
This is my sardarni,
He is my kid,
& she is my kidney.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

"FRIENDS STAND BEHIND U DURING UR BAD TIMES"

Do u want a documentary proof ??

Ok,In future check out ur marriage album..U'll find all friends behind u !!!

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

Kissing a woman at her FOREHEAD is Respect

At her LIPS is Love
CHEEK is Heroism
NECK is Lust

BUT KISSING HER IN FRONT OF HER HUSBAND IS BRAVERY!!!

11
HUMOUR and JOKES / JUST FOR LAUGHS
« on: June 05, 2008, 09:13:34 PM »
Just for laughs


 

Two men


met while both where looking for their lost wives.

1st: How yours look like?

2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?

1st:

Forget mine.

Lets find yours!!

**********

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.

He shoots his friend to death.

Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".

**********


What is the definition of Mistress?

Someone between the Mister and Mattress

**********

Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??

"Without Information Fighting Everytime"

Wife replies," No, It means ,

"With Idiot For Ever!!!"


**********

Three Feelings:

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and


Panic

is when both are pregnant.

**********

Teacher: u know the importance of period?

Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away.

**********

Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are urs ???

No, I work in a condom factory & these are

customer complaints.


**********

Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential

Dad says, you are my son, I'm confident. Your friend is also my son, that's confidential!

**********

Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should talk about sex.

Daughter (Excitingly): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.

Mother Faints.













12
GENERAL DISCUSSION / HOW SOME PEOPLE MISS SOMETHING CALLED "LIFE"
« on: June 05, 2008, 07:51:36 AM »
THIS IS HOW WE MISS OUT SOMETHING CALLED "LIFE"

 

A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the gem of their eyes. When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for office so he asked his wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard. His wife, preoccupied in the kitchen totally forgot the matter. The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the
bottle fascinated by its color and drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages. When the child
collapsed the mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned. She was terrified how to face her husband. When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just five words.
 
 
 

QUESTIONS :
1. What were the five words ?
2. What is the implication of this story?

 

 

 

 


ANSWER :
The husband just said "I am with you Darling"

The husband's totally unexpected reaction is a proactive behavior. The child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point
in finding fault with the mother. Besides, if only he had taken time to keep the bottle away, this would not have happened.. No one is to be blamed. She had also lost her only child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her.

If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world. "A journey of a thousand miles
begins with a single step". Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears. And you will find things are
actually not as difficult as you think.

MORAL OF THE STORY:
This story is really worth reading. ..... Sometimes we spend time in asking who is responsible or whom to blame, whether in a relationship,
in a job or with the people we know. By this way we miss out something called L.I.F.E

13
GENERAL DISCUSSION / WHY WORRY?
« on: June 03, 2008, 12:07:19 PM »
Why Worry?

There are only two things in life to worry about:
 

Whether you are well
or whether you are sick. 
If you are well, 


then there is nothing to worry about. 
 
But if you are sick, 

 
there are only two things to worry about: 
 
Whether you are going to get well 

 

or whether you are going to die.
 

If you get well,
 

then there is nothing to worry about. 
 
But if you die, 
 

there are only two things to worry about: 
Whether you are going to go to heaven
or whether you are going to go to hell. 

If you go to heaven,

 
then you have nothing to worry about. 
 
But if you go to hell,

 

 

you'll be so busy shaking hands with all your friends,

 


that you won't have time to worry! So,

Why Worry?

Be Happy   _,_._,___









14
HUMOUR and JOKES / 50 YEARS
« on: May 20, 2008, 06:16:37 AM »
A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50 birthday. She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.
On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper.
Before leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 32," is the reply."
"Nope! I'm exactly 50, the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29."
The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50."

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question.
The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."
Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but thank you!"

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 years old and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra.
Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are."
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."
He slips both of his hand under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each --- and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her ---s together and rubs them against each other. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay....How old am I?"
He completes one last squeeze of her ---s, removes his hands, and says,
"Madam, you are 50."
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible,
how could you tell?"
The old man says, "Promise you won't get mad?"
"I promise I won't" she says.
"I was standing behind you at McDonalds."  ;D :D ;D :D ;D :D

15
HUMOUR and JOKES / NAMES
« on: May 14, 2008, 12:50:13 AM »

 Dr.  Phil was conducting a therapy session with four young mothers

and their small children.

 

 

"You all have obsessions," he observed.

 

 

To the first mother he said,

"You are so obsessed with eating you've even named your daughter Candy."

 

 

He turned to the second mom: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests


 itself in your child's name, Penny."
 
 
 
He turns to the third mom: "Your obsession is alcohol.
 
This, too, manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."
 
 
 
At this point, the fourth mother gets up, takes her little boy by the


  hand and whispers, "Come on Dick, we're leaving."


16
GENERAL DISCUSSION / ARITHMETICAL MAGIC
« on: May 08, 2008, 06:55:13 AM »

Absolutely amazing!

Beauty of Mathematics !!!!!!!

1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111

9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888

Brilliant, isn't it?

And look at this symmetry:

1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321



Now, take a look at this...


101%



From a strictly mathematical viewpoint:



What Equals 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been in situations where someone wants you to
GIVE OVER 100%.

How about ACHIEVING 101%?


What equals 100% in life?


Here's a little mathematical formula that might help
answer these questions:


If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.


If:


H-A-R-D-W-O- R- K

8+1+18+4+23+ 15+18+11 = 98%


And:

K-N-O-W-L-E- D-G-E

11+14+15+23+ 12+5+4+7+ 5 = 96%


But:

A-T-T-I-T-U- D-E

1+20+20+9+20+ 21+4+5 = 100%



THEN, look how far the love of God will take you:



L-O-V-E-O-F- G-O-D

12+15+22+5+15+ 6+7+15+4 = 101%


Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:

While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will
get you there, It's the Love of God that will put you over the top!

It's up to you if you share this with your friends & loved ones just
the way I did..

Have a nice day & God bless!!


17
HUMOUR and JOKES / MAN'S GREEDINESS
« on: May 01, 2008, 09:01:06 PM »


God created the donkey

and said to him.
"You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset
carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass,
you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years."
The donkey answered:
"I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20 years"
God granted his wish.


God created the dog

and said to him:
"You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend.
You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years.
You will be a dog. "
The dog answered:
"Sir, to live 30 years is too much,give me only 15 years.
" God granted his wish.

God created the monkey

and said to him:
"You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks.
You will be amusing and you will live
20 years. "
The monkey answered:
"To live 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years."
God granted his wish.

Finally God created man ...

and said to him:
"You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.
You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals.
You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years."
Man responded:
"Sir, I will be a man but to live only
20 years is very little,
give me the 30 years that the donkey refused,
the 15 years that the dog did not want and
the 10 years the monkey refused.
" God granted man's wish
........................................................................................
And since then, man lives
20 years as a man ,
marries and spends
30 years like a donkey,
working and carrying all the burdens on his back.

Then when his children are grown,
he lives 15 years like a dog taking care of the house
and eating whatever is given to him,

so that when he is old,
he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey,
going from house to house and from one son or
daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.

18
GENERAL DISCUSSION / NICE SENTENCE
« on: April 29, 2008, 10:47:01 AM »
3 Easy Ways to Die :


Take a Cigar daily - You will die 10 years early.

Drink Rum daily - You will die 30 years early.

Love Someone Truly - You will die daily.



1. A foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells

her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.



2.. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :

Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD

After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY


3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :

1. Tele-Phone

2. Tele-Vision

3. Tell to Woman

Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANYONE..


4.. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.


6.. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest.

They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.

Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.

Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone.

Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path..

Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.



7. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life.

If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.



8.. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.

Answer : On their MARRIAGE.



9. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.

Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.



10. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women.

Because per Constitution, you can NOT BE PUNISHED TWICE for the same Mistake.


19
GENERAL DISCUSSION / A PSYCHO TEST
« on: April 29, 2008, 10:25:06 AM »

A woman , while at the funeral of her own mother, meets a guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was simply ' amazing' , very much of her dream guy, she believed him to be just that! She fell in love with him right  there, but never asked for his number and could not find him.

A few days later she killed her FIRST sister.
Question: What is her motive in killing her sister?

(Give this some thought before you answer).

20
GENERAL DISCUSSION / 15 REASONS WHY BEER IS BETTER THAN WOMEN
« on: April 27, 2008, 09:23:08 AM »
* A Beer doesn't get jealous when u get another Beer.

* When you go to a Bar you know you can pick up a Beer.

* A Beer wont get upset if you come home with a Beer on your breath.

* U don't have to Wine!!! Dine a Beer.

* If you pour a Beer right, You will always get good Head.

* Hangovers go away.

* When you are finished with a Beer, the bottles still worth 5 cents.

* You don't have to wash a Beer before it tastes good.

* A Beer always goes down easy.

* You can share a Beer with your friends.

* Beer is always Wet.

* You know you're always the first to pop a Beer.

* A Frigid Beer is a good Beer.

* You can have more than one Beer in a night and not feel guilty.

* You can enjoy a Beer all Month long....

 

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT U, BUT ITS TRUE......COS THE THESIS ABOVE HAS BEEN PROVEN AND RESULTS WERE INCREDIBLY CORRECT!!!

21
HUMOUR and JOKES / SMART STAFF
« on: April 25, 2008, 11:33:38 PM »
A man joined a big multi national company as a Trainee.............

On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone:

"Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!"

The voice from the other end responded:

"You fool; you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you are talking to?"

"No" replied the trainee.

"It's the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!"

The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who you are talking to, you IDIOT?"

"No!" replied the managing director angrily.

"Thank God!" replied the trainee and put down the phone.


22
HUMOUR and JOKES / WISE DAD.
« on: April 23, 2008, 02:39:35 PM »
A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?" His father looks up, thoughtfully, and says, "I'll demonstrate it for you. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with OBASANJO for a million NAIRA. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with RAMSEY NOAH for a million NAIRA. Then come back and tell me what you've learned."

The kid is puzzled, but he decides to see if he can figure out what his father means. He asks his mother, "Mom, if someone gave you a million NAIRA, would you sleep with OBASANJO?" His mother looks around slyly, and then with a little smile on her face says, "Don't tell your father, but yes, I would." Then he goes to his sister's room and asks,
"Sis, if someone gave you a million NAIRA, would you sleep with RAMSEY NOAH?" His sister looks up and says, "Omigod! Definitely!"

The kid goes back to his father and says, "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are having two million NAIRA, but in reality, we are living with two PROSTITUTES

23
GENERAL DISCUSSION / SNAP OF THE YEAR
« on: April 21, 2008, 07:26:45 AM »
Friendship and Love defined in a single photo.

Can you beat it?

[attachment deleted by admin]

24
GENERAL DISCUSSION / GHETTO LIFE!!!
« on: April 19, 2008, 09:38:21 PM »
I was listening to a program on radio ( Naija Flava) and comments were allowed.

The presenters were reading the messages that were coming in from listeners on their view about life in the ghetto.

A particular message been read prompted me to bring in this issue here.

The presenter read thus, " Ghetto na place where children no sabi their parents. Its a place where people see sex as a care free attitude, a place that harbours criminals and a place where people are prone to different kinds of diseases and dangers.)

Now forum members, what is your opinion about ghetto life?

Have you ever lived in the ghetto?

Please lets here your view.


25
GENERAL DISCUSSION / WELCOME TO THE 2ST CENTURY.
« on: April 18, 2008, 07:06:00 PM »
Welcome to the 21st Century where

our communication: wireless, our dress: topless, our phones: cordless, our cooking: fireless, our youths: jobless, our food: fatless, our labour : effortless, our relationships: loveless, our feelings: heartless, our politics: shameless, our education: valueless, our follies: countless, our arguments: baseless, our bosses: brainless, our jobs :moneyless, our children ;mannerless.. our salary: useless.

What ya think peeps?

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