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Messages - Olufemi_

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1
GENERAL DISCUSSION / Re: WHEN HE/SHE CRIES!
« on: September 01, 2008, 11:41:29 AM »
how do yu mean? men have their way of crying emotionally.

Then let's hear it.

2
GENERAL DISCUSSION / Re: HOW DO YOU WISH TO BE BURIED?
« on: August 25, 2008, 02:57:11 PM »
well if i could choose i want to be buried with my husband in the same grave. who ever dies first. If he wants to be cremated then i want that too and putt me in the same jar. so we can be together always. and if i should die first that will be my last wish for us to be either in the same grave or jar!!

i hope i will go first because i want to die in his arms where i feel save.

@lady
U r quite a Woman! Your husband is a very lucky man!

O ye babes of Naija, Hear! Hear!!

3
GENERAL DISCUSSION / Re: LAGOS BABES AND POT BELLIES
« on: August 25, 2008, 02:45:56 PM »
pot belle girls?
they are to eat at the right time
eat the right food and take lotsof water
shit at the right time
and excercise too...


@Thalia
I believe the pot belly is as a result of the kind of heavy eating babes do here - 70% carbohydrates + 30% junk food/ice cream (all bought by guys of course) + 0% exercise = rolls of body fat(esp on the stomach & hips).

4
GENERAL DISCUSSION / Re: WOULD YOU CHEAT?
« on: August 21, 2008, 01:30:34 PM »

bigjay: what about the babe
that broke your fragile heart?

or, is beibee mistaken?

@BB
So bigjay is a walking wounded? That explains a lot..

5
GENERAL DISCUSSION / Re: HOW DO YOU WISH TO BE BURIED?
« on: August 21, 2008, 01:21:29 PM »
I can see it now, pickled in a jar with a roomful of trainee doctors pointing at it in awe...  ;D

@EA
Our  very own Errol Flynn abi.  ;D ;D

6
GENERAL DISCUSSION / Re: HOW DO YOU WISH TO BE BURIED?
« on: August 21, 2008, 01:18:56 PM »
yes talking about that oh.I think i would donate my body to medical students to help them in their learning processes.

@vil
If you see how disrespectful medical students can be to cadavers, I'm sure you would not wish such upon yourself  :o

7
HUMOUR and JOKES / SPAGHETTI
« on: August 20, 2008, 03:13:31 PM »

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.One
night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.
If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.

To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.'Honey,'
she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.'

 'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said.The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and passed out ,.On the card was written:

"Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with meatballs, two without.
Send extra sauce"

8
HUMOUR and JOKES / 5 MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
« on: August 20, 2008, 02:40:49 PM »
Lesson 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2

A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find
an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch..
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
 
Morals of the story
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's always best to keep your mouth shut!


The End

9
GENERAL DISCUSSION / Re: WOULD YOU CHEAT?
« on: August 20, 2008, 10:55:52 AM »
@ Topic,
I've never had a serious partner b4 so I don't know about cheating. Oh I love SEX!!! :)

@bigjay,
You've got some serious issues bro, You need therapy  :o

10
GENERAL DISCUSSION / Re: WHEN IS A PERSON LEGALLY DEAD
« on: August 19, 2008, 11:08:24 AM »
wat a vivid imagination...

@chuxxy
bro, I'm suprised at you. Thalia asked a simple question, which i answered. What exactly, is your beef with my post?

11
GENERAL DISCUSSION / Re: WOULD YOU CHEAT?
« on: August 19, 2008, 10:59:45 AM »
cheating depends on the circumstances

@kendan
True word bro. Cheating is relative. At times, you have to cheat for a good cause.

12
GENERAL DISCUSSION / POSTING A PIX
« on: August 18, 2008, 12:24:43 PM »

How do I post a picture or other graphic on the board?

13
GENERAL DISCUSSION / Re: WOULD YOU CHEAT?
« on: August 18, 2008, 12:16:47 PM »

I guess its easy to say "I cannot..." and "I will not.." but you cannot know for sure, until you look at temptation standing before you, in all its sensual glory.. and you walk away.

As for me, I can walk away three times out of five,
but those other two times,
I'm just not sure...

14
GENERAL DISCUSSION / Re: WOULD YOU CHEAT?
« on: August 18, 2008, 12:08:57 PM »
Does the word 'castration' mean anything to you?  ;D

Mind you, wouldn't that be like cutting off my nose to spite my face?  :-\

@EA,

The threat of castration will only whet his appetite the more. Don't you know that the forbidden is what we crave most?

15
GENERAL DISCUSSION / Re: WHEN HE/SHE CRIES!
« on: August 18, 2008, 11:55:41 AM »
whenever my man crys I feel like picking up each single teardrop that glitters on his cheek.I would like to save it and keep it inside a little box.

@ aminah
Your man cries? Wow, thats something I still can't get used to. I always associate crying with women. I do know that in naija here, men definitely don't cry. They just don't!

16
GENERAL DISCUSSION / Re: HOW DO YOU WISH TO BE BURIED?
« on: August 18, 2008, 11:36:15 AM »
buried with my rod pointing the sky!!!
how is tha possible? ???

Oh, anything's possible Thalia,
The rod would be stuffed with all manner of things to make it stiff, since chuxxy can't get it up no more.
I'm sure the maggots will have a wonderful time..

17
GENERAL DISCUSSION / Re: WHEN IS A PERSON LEGALLY DEAD
« on: August 18, 2008, 10:50:21 AM »
what did u read on the net?
legally dead? :o never heard of that!
:-\

@Thalia,

I read a story about a man who took out a life insurance policy for himself and his wife.
About five years down the line, the guy is involved in a fatal accident and is declared medically dead. It's only the machine that keeps him breathing.

The wife would like to collect the insurance premium and get on with life, but the insurance company would have none of it. Their defence is that, as long as the guy is still breathing (albeit with the help of machine), he is not dead. As such, the insurance cannot be collected.
She applied to the court for permission to switch off the machine, but the law says its murder, as such permission has to come from the man himself (in written form).


18
GENERAL DISCUSSION / WHEN IS A PERSON LEGALLY DEAD
« on: August 14, 2008, 11:57:20 AM »
I read something today on the net that set me thinking,

"when can a human being said to be legally dead?"

Responses welcome.


19
GENERAL DISCUSSION / HOW DO YOU WISH TO BE BURIED?
« on: August 14, 2008, 11:47:45 AM »

If I were asked to choose, I would choose cremation. Its nice, clean, quick and less trouble for everybody.

Whats your own choice?

20
GENERAL DISCUSSION / Re: WHEN HE/SHE CRIES!
« on: August 11, 2008, 04:16:33 PM »
@ EA,
I mean when your partner feels deeply hurt enough to shed tears!

It could be what you did, or not being there when he/she needed you most, or even an argument between the two of you.

21
GENERAL DISCUSSION / Re: WHEN HE/SHE CRIES!
« on: August 08, 2008, 04:11:10 PM »


like you?

Haba! beibee,
I don't get my kicks dat way.
I've never made my woman cry, at least not intentionally.

22
GENERAL DISCUSSION / Re: WHEN HE/SHE CRIES!
« on: August 08, 2008, 03:33:06 PM »
omg!! it Drive  man crazy 'cos that tells me she is feeling it deep down lol!!

I feel u..

On the other hand, some guys feel more macho because she cries.

23
GENERAL DISCUSSION / WHEN HE/SHE CRIES!
« on: August 08, 2008, 02:58:49 PM »

What/how do you feel when your partner cries??


24
GENERAL DISCUSSION / Re: WOULD YOU CHEAT?
« on: August 08, 2008, 02:21:45 PM »
No not at all.

....even if the guy is Bradd Pitt or Denzel?

25
GENERAL DISCUSSION / WOULD YOU CHEAT?
« on: August 07, 2008, 03:29:14 PM »

Would you cheat on your partner if you are absolutely sure of not getting caught?

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