Filed in FAMILY by on October 30, 2010

How can Humphrey overcome his marital challenge?
By Bosede Olusola-Obasa
Saturday, 30 Oct 2010

Humphrey had a chance to be happily married to a girl he had known for at least six years, but as of today, he is still single and desperately searching. Find out what happened in this interesting and educative story Wonders, they say, will never end. The story of my friend, Humphrey, and his fiancée, confirms the old saying that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. My friend, a wilful victim of vain glory, is just finding his feet, while his former fiancée has long been married and has three daughters.

I recall that as young students in the University of Lagos, Akoka we all had lofty ideas of what we expected an ideal home to be. We had read up virtually every book on marital success and we were looking forward to getting hooked to the bones of our bones and flesh of our flesh. At first, it was unfeigned love that bonded us together, eight of us then – four guys and four ladies. We were ranked among the best students in our various departments. I and Humphrey were into the mechanical sciences and that naturally gave us a closer tie. All the ladies were into social sciences, while the two other boys read medicine. Ours was a group to beat.

Towards the end of our school days at UNILAG, especially for those who ran four-year programmes, the ladies to be precise, it was time to clearly define the relationships. With the usual notion that a lady thinks of settling down in marriage as soon as she completes her first degree, their concern was understood. You know ladies for who they are, they did not come straight to the issue; they simply seized every available space and time to bring the matter before the court of the guys. We flocked around a lot, but gradually, following no particular order, the guys started preferring the company of a particular lady to the others.

It was like fixing round pegs in round holes; you can call it a perfect match-making software. As we developed more private relationships as lovers, feedbacks at the centre showed that the four relationships were getting along well. The girls completed their programmes; left school and subsequently the mandatory service year. From wherever they were, the ladies initiated the groundwork for wedding. Need I say that they also constituted a monitoring team that ensured that no other lady caught our fancy: anyone who passed through our great citadel of learning would explain how these things work better.

One year later, I and Humphrey left school for the National Youth Service Corps programme. What I did not know, however, was that my friend and course mate got bitten by the love bug of one of the ‘happening’ girls on campus after his fiancée left school. This was also not known to her as she continued to build her castle in the air.

Before then, I remembered that on several occasions after we left school, we had cause to be at our fiancée’s homes to get informally introduced to their parents and vice versa. My friend’s fiancée lost her dad while in school so the mum was the link to the family. One thing I, however, found very unpalatable about the old woman was that she was fond of washing her daughter’s dirty linen in public. She would call my friend aside and complain to him how his wife-to-be was incapable of being a good home maker. Even though her intention was to ask Humphrey, who she had taken as her daughter’s elder brother, to help make her better; she gradually created a picture of an irresponsible girl in the mind of my friend.

At a point, it became a nightmare for my friend to visit the home. After every such discussion with her mother-in-law to be, my friend would tell me how much he resented the old woman’s style; but he never told me that he had stopped loving his fiancée and nothing suggested it. The desperate ‘happening’ girl I mentioned earlier came in to his life at about this time; and in spite of all he had shared with his fiancée, he fell flat on her laps. We all knew that the new girl did not want a relationship, but only wanted to have a feel of my friend and his pocket and that was confirmed later.

Before we could intervene in the matter, my friend had called his fiancée and told her to go and work on her physique: he said he wanted her to build her front and rear views so that he could be tantalised by them. His fiancée was amazed to hear this request after knowing her for over six years. She, however, started working on the request. It turned out that the picture he painted to his fiancée was that of his new date because the girl in question was heavily endowed and stopped at nothing to flaunt them.

You and I know that nothing may be achieved with anxiety so my friend’s fiancée’s rat race to build her front and rare came to nothing. She became unhappy as my friend stopped seeing her because she lacked the venison that his heart greatly desired. To cut the long story short, years after the three other relationships had been established by nuptial ties and cemented with children, my friend still visits our homes as a wandering bachelor. It took long for his then fiancée to get settled because she kept waiting for Humphrey to return to her for the good-old-day’s sake, but he did not until it was too late. After he was dumped by the big university girl, he has not had any stable relationship.

Who is to blame for Humphrey’s plight? Is it his fiancée‘s mum, his fiancée, his unfaithfulness and lack of contentment or what? He is no longer free to visit our homes because of his marital status; he is terribly single and desperately searching. What advice do you have for him?


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